Perception.

I realized last night that I define myself by the negative opinions of the most horrible people I've encountered in my life. I've dwelled entirely too much on how that petty girl said "......" about me that one time, or how so and so lied to me and used me.You can see how shitty my view of myself is.

Yet I found myself in an unusual and unlikely situation a few days ago in which I voluntarily attended a lunch function hosted by an uppity local church. Now I've had horrible experiences with just about everyone and everything associated with this church from the time I entered kindergarten. (According to them, I worshipped Satan and was headed straight for Hell if I didn't join their band of miscreant Worship Warriors, on a mission ordained by God to save, apparently, my damned soul.) The pastor spent half of lunch preaching about hypocrisy and how we should all slough extraneous factors from our religious lives. Insert obvious remark here.

Having voluntarily attended this function with a coworker, I vowed to remain indifferent, polite, and open-minded in the face of a group of people who have for so many years collectively and individually treated my like shit. Worse than shit. It was then that it occurred to me that in my mind, I'm not defined by the people who love me, and who daily extoll my virtues, beauties, and talents. I blindly see myself through the lens of jilted former friends, spiteful, indifferent, and ignorant "enemies," and shithead ex-flings and 'boy' friends.

It is truly no wonder I'm so hard on myself. Jeeez-uz.