Renovations...

If there is a crazy person within a three hundred mile radius of where I work, chances are, I'll deal with them at some time or another. On a daily basis, I'm inundated with all manner of psychoses and butchers of the English language. It bothered and disturbed me (briefly) that just about everyone who calls the office is out of their blinking mind. I would never have dreamed that so many individuals desirous of selling their lawn care equipment (or whatever miscellaneous accoutrements are enqueued today) could be so nutty.

If one man isn't daily calling to harrass me about putting on his personal and profound profession of love to his married girlfriend --you know, enduring love, the kind that lasts "always and forever"-- then I simply can't call it a normal day at work. I've wondered, more than a few times, if eveyrone on earth is crazy - or maybe it's just me. Possibly. Probably both. But with zonked out women calling in to tell me that I just don't understand drug use until I've stuck needles in my arms and had bloody noses from all the coke I've done (which is her rationale for needing to be on television), I'm beginning to think that perhaps everyone else is nuts, not just me.

My tirade was set off today by an incident that had me in tears laughing. A man called to tell me that he needed to "renovate a house for a week for his parents." "Renovate?" I asked.

"Yeah," he anwered. "They're comin' to town next week and they need a place to stay, so we're lookin' for a place they can renovate."

Meanwhile, in the background, I hear a woman, presumabley the man's wife, hissing, "Rent, RENT, the word is RENT!"

To which the man I'm speaking with covers the mouthpiece and hisses back,
"I KNOW it's rent! What do you think renovate MEANS?"

BAAAAHHH! I haven't had that good of a laugh for about three months. Children.

I decided that henceforth, all such zany instances shall be recorded, if not simply for that fact that one day I'll put all this junk in a book and will need to remember it, but also because it's just fucking funny....